Motherhood, Margin, and Time With God

The patterns of our lives reveal us. Our habits measure us.

-Mary Oliver

What we value is revealed by how we spend our time. If I value my relationship with God, then I will make time for him. And at the same time, it is often difficult to make time to really study the Bible, have devotions, and pray when you are a mom. Our days are so packed with truly necessary things that must be done.

It’s true that some of our time vanishes by getting sucked into social media and tv just like the rest of the world but, more often, the real issue for moms and time with God is that we have a thousand things to do and little people that need us. They need us to help them get ready, make their food, take them places, teach them, give them advice, and so on. We also want to spend time with them and be available because we want to have a real relationship with them.

All of this is so important and I know that God is pleased by our service.

However we also want to make sure we’re spending time building and enjoying our relationship with our Father.

Here’s my point: the solution to an over busy life is not more time. It’s to slow down and simplify our lives around what really matters.

- The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry

My 8 kids are all teens and adults now. It’s easier for me to find time to get in the word now then it was when they were small. Even still I struggle a little because there are places they need to go and things they need help with- starting bank accounts, filling out college forms, getting to work and church activities, and so on. Plus, I homeschool them so there’s that.

But when they were small and I was homeschooling maybe 5 kids with a baby and toddler around, I REALLY struggled to find time to study.

I think one thing that really helped me back then was to let go of the idea that I was going to find long, extended blocks of time on a regular basis. Sure, there would be days where I could take a few hours to myself to read and pray but for most days, I needed to accept that I could get 20-60 min at a time during naps, after putting them to bed, etc… Some days, that wasn’t possible either and I would pray or listen to the audio Bible while cleaning or something else.

And that’s ok

God will meet you during those few minutes that you have. He loves that you are desiring and seeking out little moments throughout the day to be with Him. He can bless that time and make it just as useful and beneficial to you as many hours spent in His word.

One thing that I love to do now is to listen to podcasts about Him while I drive. I tend to be in the car a lot taking kids here and there or running errands so this is prime time for me to listen to the Bible, podcast, or sermon. And of course, I listen to music about Him which means I get to worship as well.

Us moms have a tendency to take care of everyone and everything at our own expense. We do what needs to get done but at the expense of making sure that there is time for self care and time for Jesus.

I can promise you that without time for God, nothing else matters and without time for self care, you’ll eventually burn out. Remember, we are humans and have real limitations that God designed us with and they should keep us humble enough to know that we have to depend on him, slow down, and make space for rest and margin.

You are not God and therefore you can’t just keep going and going without Him.

I like loose schedules because I think they give space. If your schedule is too packed, it could create stress trying to adhere to it. A loose schedule has more give to it and makes time for real life and interruptions.

I’d suggest making a list of the things you need to do. Think through what matters the most to you and make sure that gets on the list. Spiritual disciplines need to be there. Don’t forget time for self care. And please add rest.

Now, create a loose schedule based around that list.

In order for this schedule to result in time with God, you have to have space. Space to breathe, to pray, to sabbath… Create margin. Margin is defined as a “spare amount given for contingencies.” If you feel hurried and stressed it’s because you don’t have enough margin in your day. If you feel that you have time to transition from one thing to the next and that you are able to rest a little between tasks, it’s likely because you have created some margin when planning events, appointments, tasks and errands.

Don’t let social media make you feel that everyone else is doing more than you. Stay away from the trap of comparison. For instance, there’s a very popular trend on social media with women showing their morning routines. I love watching them because they look so beautiful and peaceful but most of them are unrealistic. I’d have to get up ridiculously early in order to read, journal, pray, workout, make a matcha latte, shower, do a long skin care routine, make my bed, and get my water and vitamins in all before actually starting my day. It looks great but it’s a lot to aspire to every day. But if I choose what’s most important from that list and do some of those things each morning with margin built in, then I could have a slow and intentional start to my day which, for me, is crucial to having a good day. I hate feeling rushed in the mornings.

We need to stop to enjoy God, to enjoy his creation, to enjoy the fruits of our labor. The whole point of Sabbath is joy in what God has done.

-Tim Keller

Finally, keep the main thing the main thing. The goal is more time with Jesus. When we put Him first, everything else falls into place and the time we have for family, friends, service, work, goals, self-care, etc… will be richer. I promise.